So in everything, do to others what you would have them do to you, for this sums up the Law and the Prophets. –Matthew 7:12/NIV

There seem to be roughly three ways people relate to others; to be controlling, to be disconnected or in right relationship.

It’s easy to fall into the extremes of overconnectedness and disconnection in times of stress. In fact, in my observation and learning from those wiser than me, these two traits can work together disguising themselves as connectedness.

Overconnectedness is basically control and manipulation. This unhealthy extreme seeks to dominate without regard to other’s feelings, realities nor perceptions. When the name of Christ is attached to this trait, the controlled person eventually feels trapped, desperate and without choice. When they wake up to what’s going on, the cult/semi-cult member envision God as a bully or totalitarian spiritual dictator. When they get a break from the cult/semi-cult, they leave hurt and often deny God.

At the other end of the spectrum is disconnectedness. Disconnected groups reject, neglect and shun for a variety of reasons. When the name of Christ is attached to this behavior, it becomes all too easy to render the shunned person incapable of feeling connected, loved and reaching their potential. When a person finds themselves in this dynamic, they feel lost and purposeless. When the cult/semi-cult member wakes up, they believe God doesn’t care, has forgotten them or is rejecting them outright. When they get a chance to break free, they tend to chase forms of God(s) or reject God as to not get disappointed again.

One of my spiritual mentors from years ago was drawn into a semi-cult group which practiced both extremes. In my last post, I referred to this group, and will reiterate that they have left their unhealthy ways and are walking free in Christ! But there are more lessons learned worth sharing.

After years in this group, he and his wife realized they were in a well-meaning but unhealthy church. The group meant well by welcoming the marginalized, promising them that their real family would be this church group. But the model needed more maturing.

After leaving the group, my mentor with his counseling knowledge made a ministry of helping people leave cult/semi-cult groups. His work took him all over the world, and he taught about what it meant to be truly free in Christ to the disillusioned cult/semi-cult member and their biological families.

The crux of the matter was this; my mentor noticed that people who were attracted into these unhealthy groups came from families that were either overconnected or disconnected. They were looking for what was missing from their own families via a church group. The disenfranchised family member became easy prey.

Some cult restoration groups kidnap a person from the semi-cult. This extreme form of extraction can cause more damage if done incorrectly, but may be necessary in certain cases, according to my mentor-friend. He and his team did not practice kidnapping for such reasons. Neither did my friend and his team debate cult/semi-cult members, nor try to extract them on the families’ behalf.

But my friend was gifted with a more effective method of helping people out of these groups. It was simple. He and his team talked about freeing people from cults/semi-cults via a real knowledge of Christ. They posted a website directed particularly to families of those who had lost a loved one to a cult/semi-cult. Then they awaited the family’s call; they didn’t pursue clients.

When my friend got a call from families desperate to set their own free, they first educates them about a general plan. The plan was that the family themselves would be the ones to love their lost family member back into the family. My friend and his team would be present as well. If the families agreed, my mentor and his team of two or three others would meet with the family. They first taught the family about the true Gospel if the family was not familiar, and how Christ empowers families to work together in love. Then they educated the family about healthy family dynamics and helped them strengthen their own families. They also went into personality types and how they were all made to work under God. If the family agreed, they would be trained on how to love their loved one back into the family and out of the cult/semi-cult group. Many people and families came to know the Lord as a result of this ministry.

These are extreme examples of control and neglect, but the same can happen in normal families under times of duress. Because I not only learned from my mentor-friend’s story, I learned from others leaving this particular semi-cult to not be afraid, but simply aware.

I believe that Christ neither uses control nor neglect, but attraction; He woos His Bride always through love. He also lives in reality while bringing Heaven to earth; He knows the wounded take time to heal and the healthy may not always understand that. He is about educating the healthy to help the wounded back to health via the work of the Holy Spirit’s guidance in Scripture and Nature (Nature’s God and God’s Nature). I believe that Christ is connected and about the business of leading us away from falling into the extremes that can so easily bring the wrong impression to His Name. But the good news is that whatever extreme one finds themselves in, they can find balance and groundedness in Christ.

It’s easier said than done. In some cases, one may need to admit that they’ve been affected so as to need the help of good therapy or medicine, even if temporarily. But God is a God of compassion and healing, and aims to heal. With good therapy and compassionate loved ones, the perpetrators and victims of overconnectedness and disconnectedness can be brought into a healthy balance of connectedness.

Amazing!

The Lord is not slow to fulfill his promise as some count slowness, but is patient toward you, not wishing that any should perish, but that all should reach repentance. –II Peter 3:9/ESV